I don’t normally go to parties. I always feel awkward and the conversation forced. On St. Patrick’s Day I went to a party with my boyfriend. I was alright, didn’t really like or dislike the experience but as I was going home, I found out that people had asked my boyfriend “why are you with her?”. I’m not sure how I should take that as it can be taken two ways: good because they believe I’m good enough for him or bad, which is the way I responded, because I’m older, overweight and don’t think so highly of myself.

As stated in my other post, I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’ve never had a strong ego or had any personal opinion about my looks or weight. I’m aware that I’m technically overweight due to my height of 5’1″ and i should be at 130lbs maximum. I’m currently at 147lbs.
Anyway, something about that comment just rubbed me the wrong way. Two 20-somethings were hitting on my boyfriend in front of me during the party to which I’m ok with as he comes home with me but, they started this comparison. I shouldn’t give a damn as I’m older by at least 10 years but, again, I have no self-esteem or confidence. 

Well, I woke up today and was hoping to experience a nice wake up with hugs, perhaps some personal time but little things like that don’t happen unless instigated. Romantic gestures aren’t really something my boyfriend comes by naturally.  Oh well… I won’t think about it too much. Not sure where I planned on going with this. Just wanted to share I guess. 

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