So, my boyfriend decided to email me a “9-Step Diet Checklist to Lose Fat and Build Muscle” the other day while at work, as this is the typical means we converse while we’re both working during the day. Apparently he wants to sign us both up for a local gym as well as its just down the street from where we live. My weight has been a subject he’s brought up a few times now; kinda not a fan of the fact it’s a subject at all as he’s quite obviously more “bothered” by it than I am. I don’t believe he’s commenting out of being an asshole, it’s more out of health and concern I guess? Anyway, it’s been a subject that’s been floating around since last Saturday.
His brother has always been “buff” and my boyfriend’s stature doesn’t quite allow that since he’s quite skinny; can’t bulk up easily without substance assistance. Apparently he’s taken it upon himself to be my “personal trainer”.
Again, if you can’t catch on – I’m not anywhere near as concerned as he is. Quite bluntly: I don’t care. I work 8hrs/day, 5 days/week. I’m tired when I get home. I’m in charge of cleaning the house. By the time I get finished work, quite frankly exercise is the LAST thing on my mind. I don’t know. I just… really I don’t care. I can’t repeat that enough. I’ve never been super small anyway.. I’ve been a size 12 since I was young and haven’t quite fluctuated from that size for a few decades now. I think the smallest I’ve been was a size 8 when I was in high school but I also was far more active as I’d literally run around my high school for 45 minutes a day, 5 days a week while there, betting people that if they could catch me (basically tag) I’d buy them lunch or if they couldn’t, they’d owe me instead. Depression. Adulthood. Life. That crap got in the way after than and my weight just changed?
Somehow, out of all this, I’m almost offended. Actually, at certain points, I’m very offended. I’ve always been a firm believer of accepting people for who they are and my weight was a subject once with my ex but he also was mentally and emotionally abusing me on the regular so you can tell why my reaction is the way it is. Not really a positive one. I don’t deal with that shit in any way. Never felt I was fat either, even at my heaviest of almost 160lbs.
I can tell that my BF is treading with the subject lightly as I’m quick to set off but I still can’t help but mutter to myself in my head a bunch of negativity and how I don’t want to do this, don’t care, and rather just quietly keep to myself and be left alone. Don’t think that’ll happen unless I get really aggravated and blow a fuse.
Should be interesting.