Queen of Wishful Thinking

I’m listening to Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen on Google Radio, looking at posts of people graduating on Facebook and realized that I’m still quite disheartened I never had the ability to graduate, or I never managed to do so. I almost started to cry actually. I’m 32 years old and I’m a 2-time college drop out (if you want to give me an educational title). I have my high school diploma but, nothing else aside for a whopping amount of debt; if you’re curious, I won’t pay that bad boy off until I’m almost 50, what’s another 18 years of my life, right?

I know it’s easy to just be instantly negative but sadly, it’s the blunt truth. That’s what happened. I dropped out twice: first time was because I hated the program I was in and couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do in replace of it; I was pressured to go to College right away unlike my original intention of taking a year off. Second time I was so overwhelmed with the program and I was failing, in a bad emotional and physical place that I gave in and left again. Now, I can’t go back to school, at all. OSAP/NSLSC won’t fund me again until I pay my debts off to them and I can’t go to a bank and request a loan due to my financial standing/credit, and anything I were to get from them would have to legally go to OSAP/NSLSC first because of the debts I owe them so – no post-secondary education with diploma for me! I’ll be a senior before I can even try.

Bleh, I guess life will have to educate me huh?

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